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By George, I've had it!
I finally gave in and went to get a haircut. I went to the SuperCuts I always go to about once every two or three months, and because of that I never see the same people working there twice. This time I came in and the girl asked for my name to write on the ticket like they usually do. I answered and she said something I didn't quite get, so I asked her what she said.
"Do you own a jungle?" she asked. "Just trying to be funny."
At least "Georgie Porgie" stopped after grade school. But for some reason "George of the Jungle" has never stopped. I never saw the cartoon, and I didn't see the movie. But people always make that joke.
It wasn't funny when I was six years old. Or when I was 12. Or 15, 21, 28 or now that I'm 32 fucking years old. Her name was Melissa. So while people sing "George! George! George of the jungle, watch out for that tree!" to me about once every few months, I bet no one's ever asked her if she was a lesbian rock singer or acted like a teenage witch.
So if I ever go back to that SuperCuts and she's still there, if she hums one note I'm going to invade her home and employ a shock and awe campaign by shoving a cherry tree I chopped down up her Clooney.
Watch out for that tree!
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I also decided to put it back up because of Erin's blog, showing how wise she was as a 13-year-old: "I know, that was mean. I don't care. I want to be mean."
Why shouldn't I be mean? I've been made fun of because of both my first and last names, my weight, my ethnicity, because I was mistaken for other ethnicities, because I was smart, because I was stupid, because I was me.
Can't I get a turn at being mean?
9 comments:
"I've been made fun of because of both my first and last names, my weight, my ethnicity, because I was mistaken for other ethnicities, because I was smart, because I was stupid, because I was me."
I've got some catching up to do. I think I've only made fun of you for one of these. Well, to be honest, two, but the second one was behind your back, so I'll just say one.
Great last line, by the way. Congratulations to Wes.
George, yes, be mean.
But I love your notion of mean. It's so you.
I think honestly you have been a calming influence on me. Often something unpleasant will happen and I will ask myself WWGD, and what you would do, a witty remark or a raised eyebrow, always trumps what I would do.
My maiden name was Gough, pronounced "goff." When I was a kid, I was taunted with Erin Golf Ball and Erin Golf Club, Erin Golf Course... I always tried to explain to my tormentors that there was no L in my last name, but they paid no heed.
I guess I don't exactly get it ... even a bored SuperCuts clerk is stretching to do the "George" tune. To me that'd be like saying your name is "Michael" and watching her moonwalk and hum the "Thriller" song.
But, kc, you told me to be mean!
No, no! I didn't mention anything about sushi! I just said you looked like that because you were drunk!
I could accept that excuse and possibly pardon you, mon cher, if indeed I were inebriated. But if you recall, I had nary a drop at dinner.
Remember. I can forget, but I can't forgive.
Well, only Sharon and Colleen saw.
Though there was talk of putting it in a "Where are they now" section of the company newsletter ...
Oh, only the two people I care about saw. Good work, you putz.
You might remind Sharon that I have means of retaliation at my disposal.
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