I was going to write a post before this one bashing my soon-to-be-former boss, but I decided against it. Sure, he was an idiot and a jerk, but I can't let one person ruin my experience in Tulsa, especially since I worked with so many others here who have been great, and made working here a good experience: Sharon and Mary have always been good to me. Colleen, the night editor, has always looked out for me. And John Young, our venerable slot editor who somehow is both kind and gentle yet commands so much respect, made one of the high points of my career by telling me how highly he thought of me. Yes, the copy desk has been good to me.
They had a send-off earlier this week for their copy desk intern, and I was included in it because my desk wasn't going to do anything like that. And amid the well wishes and goodbyes I started feeling really weird; I came here knowing it would be temporary, and really didn't form much of an attachment during my nine months here. I had trouble sorting out my emotions until I finally figured it out:
This is not the day my career as a journalist will end.
I mean, a little less than two weeks ago I gave my notice -- as this day approached I really started getting emotional about my decision to leave. And I realized that no matter what successes I have in my new profession, part of me will always regret leaving.
But not Tulsa.
What was weird was that nine months after the fact I was really regretting leaving Lawrence.
That's why I say that today is not the day my career came to a close; that began Nov. 19, 2005, with my last paper to be put to bed tonight.
The beginning of this week, as we had a pot-luck dinner in honor of the two of us leaving, I kept thinking of the send-off from the people at the Journal-World. Above is the cover and inside of the card they gave me. (Remember the OU scrubs they also got me?) They made it very difficult to leave, and I was regretting my decision then. But that wasn't the first time I felt that way -- the first time was the moment I told Kim the Tulsa World had offered me the job.
But I still left. I came very close to going back last April. Sorry, folks at the World, but the J-W is my newspaper; it's where I fit. If I were to still practice journalism, it would be nowhere else. But when I tried to go back I was only offered a spot part time because I still planned to go to nursing school. I was hoping to get on full time, and push back my start date to January, at which point I would have then dropped down to part time. The managing editor didn't go for that.
But it's for the best it didn't come to pass -- things didn't go as planned in Tulsa, but because of the environment on my desk it was easy to keep focused on the goal of going to nursing school. If things had gone to shit while still in Lawrence, it would have been too easy to stay in journalism, as much as I resent the profession. It would have been a bad choice.
Looking back, I've made a lot of bad decisions in my career after graduating, but I don't regret making any of them:
I shouldn't have looked for a first job so far from home. But no regrets there -- I met Kelly and Dawn in Tallahassee, two wonderfully talented and fun people whom I wish I could have worked with longer.
And I shouldn't have bolted for Torrance. But I had been California dreamin' for years. I needed to get it out of my system. And it wasn't really a good decision to leave the Daily Breeze -- more like it was the only decision.
Of course if things had not ended the way they did, I would not have gotten interested in nursing. Nor would I have ended up in Lawrence, where I met Christy, Erin and Ben, and Karrey, Susan, Susie, Mark, Michelle and Eryn. And of course Kim, who is now one of my best friends -- among the ones I'd do anything for.
That's why it's been such a weird last week. I still know I finally made a good choice: It was the right decision to leave the Lawrence Journal-World. But that doesn't keep it from being the one decision I now regret.
6 comments:
No regrets, G. I may have wasted my 20s in the hell that is public education, but I came out of it with some good pals and usable skills.
The ability to be flexible and patient, to be articulate, to work well under pressure and see the humor in even morbid situations will serve you well.
(And maybe you can transfer to KU at some point and come back to us!)
Congratulations.
Hey, where's my signature on that card? It must be on the back.
cl, I thought that was it in the purple, right below Michelle's.
It was hard for me to leave Lawrence too. But aren't you glad I did, G? And now you know where you want to be. Some people never do. And they need nurses in Lawrence too.
Yeah, cl, you're there. The only one on the back was Jason from sports.
Yes, Erin, had you not left Lawrence because Ben got his SRS job, I would never had the opportunity.
And it took me leaving Lawrence to really appreciate what I had here. I hope some people understand that.
I'm confused. Shouldn't this say Hinal Fome Edition?
OK, George, that's it! That's the last time I ever bring that up! One final dig.
Love ya.
Sharon, dear, don't think that it didn't cross my mind.
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